I remember the first time I acknowledged in myself I wanted to create art was when I was about 12 yars old. I was reading a book and I was really captivated by the story. There was no illustrations so I decided to express what I saw in my mind when I read the book. I was so excited about my drawings and one day I plucked up the courage and showed them to my art teacher at school. She took them put them aside and never said anything…however I do remember for me this was the point when I discovered something that really made my heart sing and my dream was born.

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 I discovered something that really made my heart sing and my dream was born.

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I wanted to become an artist to be able to express what I feel and what I see and to tell stories visually and share them with others.

I was born in Czech Republic, which at the time was under under the rule of totalitarian communist regime. I grew up in a social environment where the idea of having any dreams to fulfil personal ambitions, especially such ‘a foolish and inpractical one’ as wanting to be an artist, were discouraged. I was brought up to accept my circumstances and make most it.

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When I was a little girl, my dad and I used to love watching documentary programs about nature and travelling. I was especially fascinated with watching the sea and we both dreamed what it would be like to see the sea and feel the waves...but I truly believed and accepted I would never see it as we lived in a landlocked country and travelling abroad was not allowed. Till this day accepting things I cannot change is very easy for me.

However few years later as the iron curtain went down, the political climate of the country changed dramatically and when I was a teenager the mood in the society was that anything was possible...we were drunk on freedom...suddenly you could travel, say what you feel and most importantly, once again you could have dreams, hopes and aspirations.

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...we were drunk on freedom...

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I longed to learn and study art but coming from a rural community with no means of transport I could not attend any art classes to prepare myself for entrance exams to art based high school or later university. The educational system in Czech Republic was quite rigid then and there was no other way into the art education. I tried but stood no chance in front of those who had these opportunities.

When I left high school, I tried anyway and I when got rejected from the art university, disheartened and frustrated I decided to leave the country, in a hope to improve my English language, travel, earn some money and maybe try again next year.A decision that has changed my life forever.

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A decision that has changed my life forever.

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When I arrived in London as a fresh faced country girl I was mesmerized by everything. In the day I looked after children as an au pair and later did variety of cleaning and part time jobs and at night I started to access creative courses. To cut a very long story short, 5 years later, I finally got to the point when I was ready to apply to art school and I got accepted! My dream was fulfilled and I loved every single minute of my time at the art school.

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My dream was fulfilled

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At a farewell dinner after my graduation one of my tutors told us:

‘forget about the marks you got it is not important any more, what is more important now is what you do with what you have learnt’ And he was right for my journey has only just started.

After I graduated full of enthusiasm I set up my studio and begun to practice, entering exhibitions and applying for other opportunities while supporting myself with variety of part time jobs.

Nevertheless, 3 years later I hit a breaking point as while I was thriving creatively and was beginning to have little successes as an artist, whule supporting myself throug various part time jobs, I was getting increasingly exhausted from trying to juggle it all. Then I saw an opportunity to train as a gallery educator. I applied and amazingly I was successful. During and after the training I participated in many art projects working with different age and social groups in gallery environment as well as a community and through it not only I became financially independent by using my creativity but I also discovered a new part of myself I never knew it existed.

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I loved enabling others to be creative as much as I loved being creative myself.

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Being an artist locked in a studio can be very isolating and I found that enabling others to be creative has given me so much back in return . I love learning about people's lives and their stories and this experience feeds back into my creative work. I feel by working with others my work has became more authentic and a true reflection on life around me.

I have never asked myself why? Why did I wanted to be an artist and why I was willing to leave my family and everything I knew and work so hard to become one...I never questioned myself...I just followed my heart.

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...I never questioned myself...I just followed my heart.

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The year 2019 was a very painful year for me as I sadly lost my dad to an aggressive terminal cancer within a space of few months. Although he has been supportive of me over the years and never stopped or discouraged me following the path I have chosen he could never understand why I had to leave. I guess he just missed me and never really forgiven me for leaving and going so faraway...The last time I saw him alive he asked me: ‘Why couldn’t you just be happy and content like your friends, find a job, a man, have family and stay here?’

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With tears in my eyes I answered:

'Dad, I love this land, I love being here, I love the mountains, the meadows, the lakes and the freedom to roam freely. I feel such a strong connection to the landscape and sometimes I miss it so much it hurts. But I had to leave.I left because I needed to discover who I am.

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I left because I needed to discover who I am.

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I needed to follow my heart and fulfil my dreams. I have learned so much along the way and through the struggles I’ve become a better person. Kind, open-minded, caring and spiritually aware and awake. I would have never discovered that if I stayed at home in our beautiful safe village surrounded by mountains and accepted my lot in life. It was not an easy path and it still isn’t but I am very proud of whom I have become.' 

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The next morning I left to go back to Scotland and few weeks later he was gone.

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Our last conversation haunted me for many  weeks as I felt we have finally spoken out laud what has been unsaid for many years.

 

When I was a girl I was brought  up to accept things as they are as we could not change them. I was taught to see and appreciate the little things that are in front of me and by focussing on them find fulfilment and joy in life. Family, love, kindness to others, respect to nature and its beauty and honouring  cultural celebration connected to its cycles.’

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However it wasn't until losing my dad, shortly followed by  the experience of the global pandemic in early 2020,  when we were all forced to put our  lives on hold and face ourselves without being able to hide behind our daily busy routines,  I realized through the journey of grief and reflection that the values I has been brought up with and which has enabled my parents to cope with the oppressive totalitarian regime, and which has also helped me to cope with the anxieties and social isolation of the pandemic(situation in many way similar to my childhood experience), are the key to discovering the beauty in life, as by appreciating the little and simple things that are in front of us and by focussing on them and living in the present moment we can connect with our hearts, our inner voice,

 

discover what really matters and find the true joy and fulfilment in life.

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On reflection this realization  was something I was infinitely familiar with as these were the very subjects I have  been exploring and expressing subconsciously through my art for many years.

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As a child I learned to appreciate the simple but the most important moments in life, the things we often neglect and don’t see until we really look and tune in.

By following my heart and fulfilling my dream to become an artist and through the journey that took me there I can now not only see the real beauty around me and feel it within but through my art and my skills with people I am able to share it and enable others to see it too.

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